Starting a Life of Crime

Police in Jersey City responded last week to a call from the victim of an attempted carjacking.

However, the carjacking was thwarted by the fact that the car in question had a dead battery and the owner was standing next to it with jumper cables in his hands, trying to obtain a jump-start.

Two bright criminals commandeered the victim’s keys and got into his vehicle. They then tried to start the car "with negative results," according to the police report.

Ya gotta love the efficient wording of police reports.

The unsuccessful duo then took off... perhaps looking for a victim whose car was not so obviously broken down.

"Rest" Room

Police in North Bergen used bolt cutters to free a 61-year-old man who was, police say, drunk and who somehow found himself locked in portable toilet recently.

According to published reports, the man was in the "Johnny on the Spot" toilet for an indeterminate period of time, perhaps overnight.

The porta-potty was locked for transport around 7:40 a.m by Department of Public Works employees who were cleaning up the morning after the annual Winter Fest Parade.

Minutes later, a pedestrian walking nearby heard a call for help from the porta-potty. Police, Rescue and Fire officials responded to the scene.

It was reported that the township is now instructing employees that they are supposed to open the door and look inside, before padlocking a porta-potty.

Good idea.

Urine Trouble, Fella!

As most people know, urinating in public is against the law. Urinating on a police car in public is not only against the law, it is also colossally dumb.

In the wee hours of November 26, police in Hackettstown had responded to an incident along Main Street when they observed a 20-year-old man relieving himself on the police car.

The act earned the guy an arrest and a pending court appearance.