Um, We Parked... Where?

Dude, Where's My Car? is a comedy film from 2000 about two dimwitted stoners who wake up after a night of partying and cannot remember where they parked their car.  Misadventures ensue.

Recently, in a New Jersey community at the shore (remember, in New Jersey it’s the shore, not the beach or the seaside), police were called to help a couple who misplaced their vehicle. As far as we know the couple was not stoners, and we cannot speak to any level of dimwittedness, but having once lost track of our own car in a large parking lot we have some sympathy.

Anyway, officers spoke to the couple and gathered the vehicle information and what they remembered about where they parked. Patrols searched the area and were able to locate the car a few blocks away. Police then gave the couple an escort to their vehicle.

Police work, although associated by the public mostly with “law and order” issues, is to a great extent comprised of non-criminal service to the people of the community.  Like this.

They’ll Never Notice, Will They?

Livingston County, Mich. – A woman was arrested after she attempted, unsuccessfully, to steal from a Walmart store during a "Shop with a Cop" event that had 75 officers attending.

A Walmart employee notified one of the officers present that a woman had loaded a cart with over $730 in goods and then ran through self-checkout without paying.

Michigan State Police Lt. Rene Gonzalez said that the event partners officers up with a child whose family may not be able to afford gifts during the holidays.

"We bring children that might otherwise not have a good Christmas, and they get to come to the store," said Gonzalez. "They get $100, sometimes a $150 gift card to go and shop for themselves with your family."

He said that he was shocked when he was alerted that someone might be stealing during the event.

"I do have to say, it surprised me, because when I'm driving a patrol car, people slow down," said Gonzalez. "When you see 75 cops in the store, I mean, I don't know if maybe they thought we were too busy."

After walking out with a variety of items, such as groceries and clothes, a trooper followed her out to the parking lot. Once outside, the trooper noticed that the car the woman was loading the stolen goods into was actually parked right next to a police cruiser, according to a police report.

According to police, the woman was arrested and moved to the Livingston County Jail. She was released on bond and is facing a retail fraud charge.

We’d Rather Run into a Burning Building

We are reminded often of the simple fact that firefighters face danger on a regular basis.  For this, of course, they earn our admiration and respect.

But a recent news item made us realize that firefighters may also face, um, other unpleasantness.

On April 19 of this year, according to the Brinnon, WA, Fire Department, its members and members of Quilcene Fire Rescue responded to a call concerning a woman who fell into a toilet at Olympic National Forest.

Oooo-kay... Just how did a woman fall into a toilet?

It is reported that the 40-year-old California woman was inside a toilet facility at Olympic National Forest when her cellphone dropped into the toilet.

The woman first tried to take apart the toilet seat and tried to use dog leashes to get the phone out.  “Eventually, she took the leashes to help support herself, which failed, and she slid into and fell into the vault head first,” the fire department’s Facebook page stated.

The Vault?  Yes.  Commonly used in remote locations, a vault toilet is an improved version of an outhouse. While still basically a hole with a seat over it, a vault toilet can store up to a thousand gallons of human waste before it needs emptying. Improved ventilation makes a vault toilet far less odorous.

In the vault, the woman struggled for some time, trying to get herself out, before she was able to grab her cellphone and call 911.  Brinnon FD Rescue 41 and Quilcene F&R Aid 21 responded to the mountaintop location.

The rescuers made a makeshift platform, passing pieces down to the woman. Once the platform was suitable for her to stand on, the crew pulled her to safety.

It was stated that the woman was unharmed and refused transportation to the hospital.  The crew washed her down and “strongly encouraged her” to seek medical attention because she was exposed to human waste.

Yecchh.

The photo, posted by the Brinnon Fire Department, shows the scene of the grime and two of their team members, identified only as Rubal and Torres.

Break-In at the County Jail

Most jailbreaks are for the purpose of escape.  Not this one.

Not far from the offices of the Badge Company of New Jersey this past Friday, a car was driven through the northwest administrative entrance of the Bergen County Jail, shattering the glass and destroying its metal framework.

But no one was trying to get out, and the driver was not trying to get in.  There was no escape attempt and the inmate containment area of the jail was not affected.  According to representatives of the Bergen County Sheriff’s Office, the accident was just that, a motor vehicle accident.  Still, the incident remained under investigation.

The driver was taken to the hospital for medical attention, but it was reported that nobody inside the building was hurt.

Next time, perhaps the driver should consider the nearby offices of WWOR-TV, less than seven miles away.  Breaking into show business is a better option.

In the Line of Duty

The dog in the photo is K9 Officer Kane, with the Ocean County Sheriff's Office in New Jersey.  As of this writing, K9 Kane is recovering in a veterinary hospital from a stab wound inflicted by a man who was subsequently shot and killed by police.

It all happened this week in a small oceanfront community of multi-million-dollar homes and fewer than 300 year-round residents.

The man, wanted by authorities on charges of kidnapping, aggravated assault, theft and weapons offenses, was found to be holed up in a house in the beachfront town.  Confronted by the police, the man was holding a knife and ignored orders to drop it.  That’s when K9 Kane was released.

Unfortunately, rather than dropping the knife at that point the man used it to stab the dog, and that’s when the officers fired.  Happily, the dog is expected to recover, and justifiably, the man was killed by the gunfire.

That may sound harsh – “justifiably, the man was killed” – but if you are wanted by the cops, brandish a knife, refuse to obey orders to drop the knife, and stab a dog, we do not have sympathy for you.

True, there could be underlying emotional or mental issues that contributed to the man’s behavior.  Public information in this case does not yet address such questions.  But we still cannot think charitably when a K9 is stabbed.

K9 officers are just that, officers.  We make badges for them.  But where a human officer has a full understanding of the risks of the job, the K9 only knows his mission is to subdue the suspect, without an intellectual appreciation of the risks.  This is why we and most people are appalled when a K9 is injured (or worse) on the job.

We hope that K9 Kane recovers fully, and that the small beach town can return to its quiet normalcy.

Show Me The Money! Um, No...

We are of the opinion that this story should be added to the Stupid Criminals file.

Earlier this month, a would-be bank robber entered a northern New Jersey bank and handed one of the tellers a note specifying the denominations of cash he was demanding.  The problem with his plan was that it was 6:45 PM, the bank was preparing to close, and all the money had already been locked in the vault.

The guy didn’t believe the tellers, so he leapt over the counter and saw for himself that all the cash drawers were empty.  So he fled -- his hands just as empty as the cash drawers.

What did he think, that banks simply lock the doors at night?

While he got away before police arrived, security video and the assistance of police in neighboring towns enabled his capture four days later.

The county jail is open all night.

It Can Be A Small World

With more than nine million people living in New Jersey, what are the odds of this happening?

Recently, New Jersey State Trooper Michael Patterson pulled over a car for a minor infraction.  The interaction between the trooper and the driver was cordial, and the driver, a gentleman named Matthew Bailly, identified himself as a retired police officer from the town of Piscataway.

Trooper Patterson remarked that he was a Piscataway native, and the two men continued to compare notes.  Bially recalled that when he was a rookie on the job, he responded to a call on the same street on which the Trooper was raised.  On that call, which took place 27 years earlier, he helped deliver a baby.

At this point Trooper Patterson reintroduced himself, saying, "My name is Michael Patterson, sir. Thank you for delivering me."

Yes, Trooper Patterson had stopped the man who delivered him.

As a follow-up, Trooper Patterson and his mother later visited Bailly and his wife to further commemorate the unique circumstances that brought them together on two occasions, 27 years apart.